Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s sister is a helicopter mom and is destroying her son

Dear ABBY: My future grandson just turned 14. He has older parents (his mother was 42 when he was born) and is so socially inept that we fear for his future. His mom is more of a helicopter parent—she still orders his food for him at restaurants. My son is 15 and very different – he’s mature, has a job, takes honors classes, and is an incredible joy to be around. I know that all children are not the same and I try not to compare them because, frankly, there is no comparison.

My fiance and I are worried about our son’s future if he never leaves his mother’s arms. Even his grandparents are worried. The problem is that my fiancee’s sister is out of control and everyone is afraid of her, so no one wants to make any suggestions because she immediately dismisses them.

I think it would be great to send my future grandson to a summer camp for kids like that. He needs to gain confidence so he can do basic things like to order his food in restaurants. I am not yet a member of this family and have no desire to tell anyone else how to parent their child. Do you have any constructive ideas to give my fiancee’s sister to help? We’re afraid he’ll end up locked in their basement, unable to do anything or think for himself. – AUNT FUTURE IN IOWA

Dear Aunt: You are not related yet, and even after you marry your fiancé, you will not be blood relatives. Because the mother is dismissive, perhaps your fiancé and his parents should discuss these concerns with her. Her overprotectiveness may stem from the fact that it took her so long to conceive a child that she has a hard time letting it go. It may also happen that the boy is slow to develop. If, after your marriage, you and your husband can invite his nephew on a few outings with you and your son, he may benefit from the exposure.

Dear ABBY: I was in a dysfunctional marriage for over a decade. Finally, my cheating ex-wife divorced me. In retrospect, it was, hands down, the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, two decades later, I am still angry about the abuse I endured. We have a grown child together so I have to meet with my ex from time to time for life events for our son.

I feel angry and resentful knowing that we will have face-to-face interaction. We have bumped into each other several times during these events. So how to move forward? I want to stop holding these grudges, as they do not serve me. People say “Let it go” and I want to, but I don’t know how. Can you give me a map of Let-it-Go Land? – SICK OF THE FEELING

DEAR SICK: The first step to overcoming a problem is admitting you have one. Congratulations on that important first step. Your second step would be to find a licensed psychotherapist and discuss the anger and resentment you feel at having to see your ex-wife. Your doctor or health insurance company can help you find someone who qualifies.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.